What it can feel like to be emotionally manipulated
LOVE BOMBING:
Love bombing is when you are lavished by someone with attention or affection in order for them to gain something for themselves or to gain power over you.
A person may be love-bombing you if they are:
Wanting to spend all their time with you; distancing you from other people in your life that care about you.
Rushing or pressuring you into serious stages of the relationship before you properly get to know each other.
Engaging in intense communication and overwhelming you with messages and calls.
Giving you constant praise and putting you on a pedestal, but then mistreating you when you do not do the same to them.
Not respecting your boundaries.
The guilt trip:
Being guilt-tripped is when you are made to feel bad or guilty about something (either directly or inadvertently) to make you change your behaviour.
A person may be guilt tripping you if they are:
Making sarcastic or passive- aggressive comments to you.
Constantly reminding you of their efforts and hard work.
Bringing up mistakes that you have made in the past.
Displaying displeasure by giving you the silent treatment or using body language such as sighing or crossing their arms.
Withholding attention and/or affection.
Acting upset with you but then denying that there is a problem.
GASLIGHTING:
When someone gaslights you, it causes you to question your own perception of reality and sow confusion in your mind.
A person may be gaslighting you if they are:
Refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
Twisting facts or denying that something happened.
Lying to you (as well as about you to other people/ to other people about you).
Telling you that you're the only person who sees/feels things a particular way.
Ignoring, trivialising or disregarding how you feel.
Trying to change who you are to fit their ideal perception of you.
impacts of being emotionally manipulated
If you are being manipulated in the above ways, you may:
Feel ashamed, depressed and anxious.
Feel mentally and physically stressed and fatigued.
Experience confusion and disorientation about your experiences, thoughts and feelings.
Develop survival coping strategies such as people-pleasing and disconnecting from your own needs & feelings to meet others' needs.
Feel constant hypervigilance in all relationships.
Become isolated from other relationships in their life.
Develop low self esteem and low self worth.
HOW TO DEAL WITH BEING EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATED
Trust your instincts.
If you feel like you are being manipulated, you likely are. People who use emotional manipulation to get their needs met (either consciously or unconsciously) can often make us question our own reality and confuse our emotions and behaviours. Trust the feeling in your body if something doesn't sit right. Remember that a healthy relationship is one that is built on mutual respect, trust, understanding and a feeling of safety.
Confide in someone you trust.
By confiding in someone in your life, whether it's a partner, friend, family member, colleague or your therapist, you can process and understand what is happening, and have support from an outside perspective to find grounding in your own experiences.
Set boundaries.
If it feels safe to, you could try having a direct discussion with the person about what you think is happening in the dynamics of the relationship and setting clear boundaries around their way of communicating with you. If you are feeling distressed from interacting with the person, prioritise your safety and disengage from conversations with them as much as you can.
You may need to place relational and physical distance between yourself and the person who is harming you. Consider seeking support from a therapist to assist you with building skills around how to protect yourself from this person.
Know you are not alone and it's not your fault.
For chronic manipulation, most people don't realise they are being manipulated for a long time, as many behaviours can feel subtle and difficult to recognise. Everyone, including people who are emotionally resilient, can be manipulated by people at their workplace, in their friendships, by family members, or romantic partners.
Self-compassion can be a powerful way to care for yourself if you are healing from an emotionally abusive relationship. Acknowledge that you have been hurt, and be kind, soothing and gentle to yourself.
All people deserve to feel safe and respected in their relationships.
Authors:
Thania Siauw (she/her) Psychologist & Director.
Ireland Hicks (she/her) Practice Manager & Marketing Director.